I am generally not one to make bold New Year resolutions. Normally they are half-hearted mumblings over things I would like to change, but never do put forth any effort to do so.
However this year, that changes, as I have chosen 2007 to be my year of positive change.
    I am only changing one thing, everything!
   This is the year that I finally kick the nicotine habit (Jan 8th), return to a steady yoga/meditation practice. Gain semblance of financial solvency again. Reconnect with my wife and save our marraige. I want to reconnect  with my old friends, and continue to connect with God. And Eat better too. I  am just too tired to live rest of my life the way i have these past few years.
    Looking up, it doesn't seem like a lot, but for someone like me whose living situation is not exaxtly an oasis of serenity it will be a real challenge. But at this point in my life, it's either change or die. I want to live. Live life as fully as I can.  The seed was planted many years ago, but only recently has begun to germinate into something tangible. Although I expect challenges during the journey, I also expect nothing short of success.

(I posted this in The Beloved's Teahous Pod too, but i thougt it would post it here too. Please feel free to comment if you like)

 

I am reading a book where it asked me to imagine what the world would be like if all of all humanity's needs for food, clothing, shelter, education and healthcare were suddenly met? That our energy sources were cheap, clean and renewable; and our leisurely pursuits were readily available.  What if having a job was an option and no one needed to work to pay their mortgage, feed and clothe their families, or pay medical bills. If having a job was optional, would you work? If you worked, what would you do? Also believing that world suddenly changed this way how would this affect society? What would the world be like in 20 years?

I would certainly work, I need to be productive. If I had my choice, I would follow my one of many interests in, history, theology, environmental fields, or even marine biology. If all that failed I would be a writer.

I think that if this ever happened, the world would be turned over.  I can only imagine the reactions of individuals, corporations, or nations that would be threatened by such an event. Giving the way of the world, I think such a bounty would only lead to further military conflict. I don't think mankind can ever be truly at peace. In the absence of monetary greed, man will be left to lust for power in whatever form they take. Whether it is influence, belief, or way of living, there is always someone who thinks they know what is best for everyone else.

If humanity were able to survive such an event, I think we could then finally achiever our full potential and work toward the betterment of man(woman)kind.

I am interested in what other think about same subject.

     I am happily moving forward. Reconnecting with the Spirit. Deepening my committment to enact real change in my life. To get back to being the man I was on my way to becoming before I allowed myself to be sidetracked my marital and family comittments. It's difficult for me to return to my spiritual practices but I have been able to practice yoga and meditate twice this past week, which is twice as much as I have done in a whole year. And I fully intened upon continuing to do this.
    I am also very much intrigued by the idea, (an idea that I belive to true) of co-creating my own reality.      I have previously read many books on the subject over  the past 7 years, (The Power of Positive Thinking, You'll See it When you Believe it, The Amazing Power of the Subconcious  Mind and various others) All of which I agreed with , but I was not ready to accept what they were teaching. And as amazing as I found both the book and movie verisons of What the Bleep Do We Know, it ended up just another book put away on my shelf.  Last week I picked up a copy of Ask and It Is Given, by Esther and Jerry Hicks, which is centered around this whole concept.  Generally speaking "channeled" books are not my cup of tea, but this one resonates loudly thoughout my being.  I see everything much more clearly, and see where in the past, no matter how hard I tried to be "positive" I was only recycling "negative vibrations". This book is really simplifying things for me, giving practical advice for over coming negativity, and working on increasing your vibrations gradually to attract a more positive life experience.  This is my intent today,  to live life as joyfully as possible without being caught in the negative drama of past, present or future.


Namaste

     This is a special day for me; 25 years ago, I was hit by car, and died briefly before being brought back. I did not have a typical NDE, but as I got older I often wondered (and still do) what is my purpose for being.  
      My life has been lived thus far from a point of weakness; dwelling on more on what's wrong rather than what's right. However, 10 years ago, I came across reading material on how our thoughts create our reality. And it was this very idea that enable me to rise above 7 year depressive episode and begin to actually live my life. I have struggled with the whole co-creating my reality concept off and on; taking two steps forward, one step back toward; with periods of sublmity followed by frustration and resentments.
      Recently I turned 37, and I looked at my life and for the first time I  don't feel ashamed over the mistakes I have made and my blindly  lived life. The old tapes that once ran non-stop in my mind, suddenly have stopped, the regrets have disappeared, and here I am.  My true challenge today lies not in achieving or acquiring, but rather finding time for myself to reestablish my meditation and yoga practice (that I have not done in a couple of years).  To live my life bouyed by the light of God, rather than the weight of self instrospection.
       Something is different this time. I only pray that I have the wherewithal to keep going. 
     

Well it's been quite a long time since I last visited these pages. Lets just say that I have been caught up with own BS existential angst and my entire being infused with negativity.  I dont have much else to say other than it feels good to be back.

"There are too many ways to hurt someone, like in a love affair when all the love is gone."


I left work yesterday in bright spiris. Got home and took my 6 y/o son to soccer practice, which is great joy to watch.

Later that night a huge fight ensued between my wife and me.  The details are unimportant, and this is not the Jerry Springer Show, where I can air out all my dirty laundry.

Our relationship is on very shakey groun to begin with, and this one fight had all the marks of "seperation" and "divorce" to follow.

     Intuitively when I met her, I know  I would marry her. I felt the karmic ties that were binding us together. Zaadz perhaps is not the forum to write about reincarnation, but I do believe it. I believe in soul mates and soul families. My wife is one of those of people. I  wrote as much in my now defunct journal. I knew she was the one for me, the only question I had was for how long? 
     I am permeated by sadness today, but I am able to step back though and look at the bigger picture.  Despite the love I have, and will always have for her, I am begging to beleive that she is a stepping-stone. I look at all she is given me, that confidence in myself, the maturity, the ability to finally not shy away from confrontation (when it is called for) and I feel blessed to love her.
    At this point time, I am prepared for all possibilites. I feel both strong and courageous to face the day and what it may bring me. It's a good feeling. As far as my wife and I go, although seperating  migh be easier, I would rather us move forward rather than move apart. All I can do, is be the best person I can be, and turn the rest over to God.

ITS NOT WHAT I COULD HAVE BEEN, BUT WHAT I CAN STILL BE


     This is one of my all time favorite quotes, and as far as I know, i am the first to actually say it. But it is not  mine, I am sure there others before me who have said the same.

     I must say that Im come in a quandry of sorts; my life a confusing dichotomy.  Mainly I am just tired of living without genuine purpose in my life.  It's only in the past few months that I have had made an effort to change. Really change.-

    For years know, I have known of a better way, I have known of alternate paths that would lead me away to a more fulfulling existence, a happier life, but i have always shied away from it when  I reached the point of real change; denying the change, for the security of the known. All during that time, fighting off the regrets of middle age, misspent youth and all the things I could have been. 

    I now feel ready to begin my journey anew.
    

   Hi everyone,
   Just checking in with my first entry. I am busy professional truly disillusioned with the
status quo. I look forward to being part of this energetic and new community, and making what difference I can make in the world.
  I am at work right now, so I have to cut this short.


Regards,
Michael